• THE ULTIMATE BIRTHDAY ROAST: Forget the generic cards. This "Old As Hell" candle is the perfect hilarious gift for a best friend, sibling, or coworker who is starting to feel their age. It’s a guaranteed hit for any birthday party that doesn't take itself too seriously.

• 100 HOURS OF BIRTHDAY GLOW: Growing old takes a long time, and so does this candle. Our massive 16.5oz mason jar candles offer an 80–100 hour burn time, lasting long after the cake is gone and the joints start aching.

• FARM-POURED FOR A PREMIUM VIBE: Hand-poured on our family farm in Lebanon, Missouri, using 100% natural soy wax. It provides a clean, non-toxic burn that clears the air of "old age" and replaces it with high-end, farm-fresh fragrance.

• SCENTS FOR THE SOPHISTICATED: From the "Vintage Luxury" notes of Sandalwood & Suede to the cozy, nostalgic blend of Apples & Bourbon, our premium oils ensure their home smells like an upgrade, even if they feel like an antique.

• USA MADE & REUSABLE MASON JAR: Our heavy-duty glass jars are built to last. Once the 100-hour burn is complete, clean out the jar and reuse it for storing vitamins, reading glasses, or a very stiff drink to celebrate another year.

The "Vintage" Scent Menu

• Sandalwood & Suede (The Vintage Luxury): A rich, sophisticated mix of dark chocolate, cedar, and velvet musk. It smells like an expensive library, leather-bound books, and the refined taste that (hopefully) comes with age.

• Apples & Bourbon (The Classic Comfort): Warm orchard apples and a smooth pour of bourbon. A strong, inviting fragrance that smells like a cozy evening by the fire—exactly where someone "old as hell" wants to be.

• Fresh Linen (The "Clean Slate" Scent): A crisp, clean blend of powder and musk. It smells like fresh laundry and a house that is perfectly put together, even if the person inside is falling apart.

• Black Raspberry Vanilla (The Eternal Favorite): Our #1 bestseller. A luscious mix of ripe berries and creamy vanilla. A sweet, timeless scent that everyone loves, regardless of how many candles are on the cake.

• Sun Washed Citrus (The Bright Side): Zesty lemon and agave create a refreshing atmosphere. It’s the perfect "pick-me-up" to remind you that you’re not old, you’re just "vintage" and full of zest.

• Butt Naked (The Youthful Spirit): A fun, fruity explosion of melon, pear, and strawberry. For the birthday girl or guy who is still a child at heart, even if their back says otherwise.

• Fresh Cut Roses (The Anniversary Vibe): A true, deep rose fragrance. Because when you've survived this many birthdays, you deserve to have the house smell like a fresh bouquet 24/7.